i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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