you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
