You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
