i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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