Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
