i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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