So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
