I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
