the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
