Don't make out with my wife yet
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
