you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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