I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
