just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
