You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
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