My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
