dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize