The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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