ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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