Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
did i just pee glitter
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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