I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
