I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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