tell your sister to shave her snatch
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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