so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
