I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
