Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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