this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
