Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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