My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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