someone owes me an orgasm
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
