I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
