if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guiltš
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
How do I say āI have great titsā without it sounding awful
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
