Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
