She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
