My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
