I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
We're too hungover to prance.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
