I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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