Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
