I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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