capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
