shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
