My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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