did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Vodka?
Forever.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
