Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
