Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
