I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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