I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
