i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
