Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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