and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
