i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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