I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
