from now on my penis is your penis
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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