My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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