Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize