are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
