Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
