It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
