The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
So squirting runs in the family.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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