Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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