there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
