the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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