20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
