I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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