Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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