Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
