Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
