Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
