just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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