Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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