I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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