i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize