I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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