you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
